My Dear Eleanor Craine.
Eleanor Craine is a fictional character from a Netflix series – Haunting of the Hill House. I recently watched this series, didn’t yet complete it, but I don’t know why I feel a kind of connection with her already. The same kind of connection I had with Nairobi from Money Heist.
Eleanor was, as a kid, quite reserved and cute and had imaginary appearance of a character named – The bent-neck Lady in the series. The character was terrifying and gruesome. As Eleanor grew up, she had faded memories of this ‘bent-neck lady’ in her sleep and got into sleep paralysis. But eventually, she mostly came out of all this when she got married with a character named – Arthur Vance who was a sleep technician in the series.
The reason I am writing about her is because I kind of have a same imaginary appearance of a ‘black-hooded guy’ in my dreams. Although, over the period, he has lost the ability to put me into sleep-paralysis, but he still visits. Every night, he visits me in my dreams. I tried medicine to combat him, but in vain.
The bent-neck lady eventually and gradually made Eleanor psychotic and under the effect of her neurotic disorder, she commits suicide in the series.
It has an uncanny resemblance to another character named – Maya from a book by Anita Desai, ‘The Crying Peacock’, wherein, whenever Maya hears a peacock cry, she feels psychotic and does weird things.
As in similar case with me, ‘the black-hooded guy’ in my dreams somewhat makes me do things which fall under the category – Suicidal. He makes me dig my own grave, he makes me poke my neck with a pen, he touches me and he gets angry when my husband and I come close. I must fear him. I must do as he says. Or, at least, I should let him do what he does.
But, I don’t. I don’t know why, but I’m not scared of him. I let him come in my dreams, make me wild, make me hit myself in my sleep, but I never fight him.
Why don’t I just kill him? I know he can easily go if I resist him, but I don’t.
Maybe because he’s a partner of my dreams. Good or bad, whatever, but he is the virtual reality of my life.
I can never resist him. I can never let him go.
That’s how it was, that’s how it is and that’s how it will be…!!!